NUMBer

Put a counter on it. Didn't help,
The numbers tallied up like an infinite
Debt
And even if it's paid
It's still so high,
Count it up,
Count to ten,
Ten.
Too close
By half
To the decade.

But it's not about the calculation,
Though calculating is what I am
Now, it's only ever about now,
I am number. Number than ever before.
I am asked:
"Is that not
The opposite
Of what you were?"
This is the only direction I can go. Hurts that no longer hurt,
And underneath
Hard/breaking, heartbreaking.

I recover very quickly.

Tot it up
Tell me the human total,
Tell me how far I've gone
And how many nuanced feelings I've left behind.

Beauty and honesty are mutually exclusive. Love
Begets love, but pain is the antidote to pain.